After my last relationship I asked the universe to spice up my dating life:
What did I get in the past two months?
- A ginger with a beard (I’m not hating – I’m a ginger lady.)
- A guy who was into peeing on faces, didn’t have a problem with indirect bestiality, and had his own personal flog.
- A girl who I want in my bed, but she moved 3,000 miles away.
- A presumptuous asshole that pretended we were in an intense/serious relationship after a week.
Thanks, world. At least you spiced it up.
Tatuaje does not have a ring on his finger. I’m thoroughly confused.
I hate pretentious assholes.
The Poet is a pretentious asshole of grandiose proportions.
My life is not a source of inspiration for your desperate attempt at a poetic life.
I am completely shocked at his obliviousness and deplorable inter-personal skills. He has known me for a week. That hardly qualifies as knowing me. And he most definitely does not know my father, the antagonist of his offensive poem. Nor does he know about my mother’s death, my childhood, my sisters, or myself.
This weekend was awful. I only like music made by men with beards, I do not want to date a beard.
No, you cannot oddly rub my head,
No, you cannot hold my hand,
No, I do not want to kiss you and your awkwardly bearded face,
No, I do not want you to try and comfort me. I have dealt with a lot, and I’ve held my own hand. Your presence in my life does not make me want to run to you for saving.
Yes, women are infinitely better.
No, I will not exclusively not date you while I figure my life out.
And NO, I don’t want you to write about my life as you pretend to know the inner workings of my being.
He actually asked me if I only feel protected by men. Or if women could also provide that male role.
He was only funny and nice to talk to during the first 12 hours of knowing him.
I am over it.