I’m not sure if this qualifies for the love line. But I think it’s appropriate.
I don’t make first moves. And after reading the nervous explanation of an adorable and enlightening fellow, I can relate to his reasoning.
I, for some reason, am stuck with my self-image from high school. So, when it comes to kissing, or initiating anything, really…I always second guess myself. Because who would actually want to kiss me? And, yes. I am aware of the stupidity of the thought. But the idea of rejection makes me squirm and wrinkle my nose in a really uncomfortable way.
Why am I bringing this up? Over the past month I’ve kissed 4 people. I missed two opportunities because I am not willing to go for it unless the other person is already 80% there. In my face, waiting for it. Now, I’d like to focus on the most recent. I normally think women are the confusing sexual creatures. But this week has stumped me. MEN have stumped me!
Star and Mr. Vague. They are the specimens of confusion. Mr. Vague, the guy who rejected me two years ago, is back – and I do NOT want to kiss him, he simply confuses me. We end up arguing a lot, and at the end of our interactions I find myself wanting to rip his clothes off. Needless to say, we won’t be seeing much of each other in the near future. He has a girlfriend. And I would very much like to date a woman as well. Conundrum.
Star has been recycling in my mind since freshman year of college. Needless to say, a long time. But I am not ready to put myself out there for someone who is so goddamn dense when it comes to recognizing flirting and desire and my watery eyes. [What are watery eyes, you might ask? The eyes I get when I am smitten on some kind of cute level that makes my eyes glaze over with water – I also refer to them as my idiot eyes. Because they make me look like a genuINE fool.]
Oh man, I am so down with Basia Bulat’s Before I Knew right now.
What I wouldn’t give to go back to freshman year, or even high school for that matter, and kiss the people I regret not kissing. Or hell, last year. Last night. Today. Any day. A new goal, eh? Yes, you guessed it!